20. How did you get here? You were born on this spinning rock because two people you did not know had unprotected sex without your permission. “Happy Birthday.”

21. You were born with a body that leaks. It’s mostly liquid and has more holes in it than a sponge. You will spend your whole life trying to keep it from oozing to death and finally lose.

22. You came with a male or female body (or a moustache in the wrong place). If you like the sex you got, and like the sex you’re not, that’s how you roll. Others roll different. That’s life.

23. Your body may not be real healthy, athletic or shapely. Don’t worry about it. You can always join the circus or make money on YouTube.

24. You came with personality quirks, disposition, temperament and tendencies. You may not like what you came with. If no one likes what you came with, they made a T-shirt for you: Mean People Suck.

25. You were born with unique abilities, like bad breath and gas. They are your weapons. Learn to use them. They may be the only super-powers you ever have.

26. You were born into a family, ethnic group, culture, society, government and nation, and if you think that’s weird wait until you meet your in-laws.

27. Nothing in life is negative or positive unless you think so, and then it is so....for you.

28. Life is a bunch of projects, things to do until dead, an endless potpourri of hustle and hurry, a do this, no, do that, instead. I hardly and barely fathom the meaning of this life. It’s an endless array of prodigious forays, a nettling vexation of strife. And when a long day is over, after all of my pain, I go to bed tired, have lost all my fire then wake up and do it again. I want breakfast, lunch and dinner, and something between to do, then my life is fulfilled and I’ll be chubby and still in a plot just over from you.

29. Life is half pain and half pleasure (complaining and suffering are optional). If you can’t enjoy the pain, half your life will be sorrow.

30. Life was what it was; life is what it is; life will be what it will be. There is no value in regretting what was, regretting what is, or being anxious, worried or afraid about what isn’t (the future). Regret, anxiety, worry and fear are debilitating mental energies that vex the mind and make living a plague that kills joy, peace, happiness and your last bottle of vodka.