From CGI's Morgan:

CGI is RMN's readers forum where Morgan is a member.

SNip

You may have wondered why you haven't heard from me; no... it has nothing to do with my moving somewhere. As it turns out now... I don't know where I am going. I have no idea. Like the country you live in, all lives are unsettled at the moment. Why should I be an exception? Surely I am not. When you are on the front lines... chances are (cue Johnny Mathis) you will pay the price more than most. I don't just have a monkey on my back. I got King Kong but... it isn't the usual monkeys. It is something indefinable. It is something that visible cannot put a name to. Let me just say there are monkeys and there are monkeys and there are gorillas and guerrillas. There are forces directed at people and if it is not being directed at you then you work for the opposition. Bottom line... we find out shortly who we are and what we are made of and this time there will be no relativism about it... moral or otherwise. You are now and for a long time after... what you are... what you made out of yourself... or what got made out of you... period.

I used to have high hopes for myself as a songwriter... then I had high hopes for myself as a writer and then... lacking all access and facility to any of those theaters of operation... at least and... all I was left with was... high hopes for myself as a human being because the one thing I know about myself... since I was always there when it happened is that I measured up. Well... I probably still do but whatever this is that is coming down now... I have no answer for.

Christmas is coming. I always knew if it was going to get ugly it would do it around Christmas... or maybe Easter... but Easter is harder for the psychopaths because collective human hope is higher then...but either I am digressing or going sideways here and I don't want to do that. I want to be straight with you... even if I find it very difficult at the moment to be straight with myself.

I am in a very eerie situation and... as usual... help comes in unexpected way and by means not charted by the common intellect... whatever the fuck that means. Trump is coming now. The last time I saw something ugly on the landscape, I went to Europe. I don't have that luxury now. I wish I did because I left behind me there some very... very … very precious things... no... not things... living breathing instruments of the divine's holy and profound gifts to each other. I insert the mention of the divine here on purpose. I know a few of you wanted to get me back on some of those larger sites where I was linked in former times. The truth is that these are godless souls and they could care less, notwithstanding their own personal hypocrisies in their own lives and their double standards when it comes to how they judge what goes on. I don't want any connection with these people. My friends... as well meaning as you are... I don't want to be identified with these individuals and the ineffable doesn't want me to be either.

You never see me begging for donations because I am not that kind of slut or currency whore. I know how little it takes for me to survive so I have never had to ask and I know what these other people are up to when they make their banner ads about themselves and... if they don't believe in Christ or Christmas in the first place then why do they ask at these times? The difference between me and these people is that I do believe and NEVER once have you seen me ask for money. I don't do that. I know that a lot of you have different opinions about me but the one thing you can't accuse me of is whoring for your fucking money. I have never done that... nor have I lied about anything that has happened. Here is a for instance... go to the SOTT site and read where Laura and others said I was hitting on her daughters. Her daughters are the size of Sumo wrestlers. Would anyone who knows me ever entertain the idea that I would do something like that.. given how truly beautiful and model like all of my girlfriends have been? That makes no sense and lest anyone think I make weight judgments about people, the lady I was most compatible with in this life... had a problem with her weight because her stepfather molested her and I never gave a damn about that. I just loved her.. period. My point is that the daughters at SOTT were not only hippo size creatures... they were also dull and lifeless and there was no attraction to be found period.

Since I am being truthful here, the son in the family who was also of enormous size, gave me shit for making some suggestive remarks about his youngest sister but remember... I was with my wife at the time who... in the 15 years we were together I never strayed from once, even though we had little sex and that was not because I was not inflamed with passion because as a poet I ALWAYS feel that. It was because she was on the opposite side of the zodiac from me and we were never meant to be anything but best friends which we are to this day. You cannot measure people by what you hear about their lives but only what you actually know, which is usually not much unless you are a part of it.

I was accused of making penis jokes. The truth is that we were doing Karaoke and I was doing Elvis doing Wild Thing and all I said was...”wild thing... you make my thing sting” That was it. I'm not perfect but... there... in Mexico and in India... well you need to go and watch Honeysuckle Rose or just watch the video to the closing scene. It is not always what you think and unless you were there you don't know. Surely I have acted out for the purpose of demonstration and not always in good ways but always as I was motivated to by what OWNS me. You may not like it but it is what it is. I make no apologies for myself, It is what it is and I am, a work in progress. As is always the case when I get SUBJECTIVE... there is a lot of emotion and a whole lot of truth attached and not much I can do about either. I probably wouldn't be telling you these things at this time but I am tired of being here. What that means I don't know... don't go putting a meaning on it just cause it sounds like something from Diederot or Thomas Hardy. This isn't Tess of the Dubervilles and this is not the last priest strangled on the entrails of the last politician... or the reverse.

Few of you know that I stayed on Maui for ten years longer than I should have, hoping that Willie Nelson and I would meet. The time I got closest... Willie's best friend who used to own a restaurant in LA where friends of mine were singing waiters... heard my song “Patterns” because my good friend, Bud Clifton took it to him and he said... “you know... many people come to me and ask me to give Willie this cassette or this CD and I always cringe because I know I am not going to want to do this but Bud... this is the first time I have heard something that I really want Willie to hear... not only is this tailor made for Willie but it is one of the best songs I have ever heard.” He died 3 days later. This is not the only time this happened, 4 influential people that I know of, died trying to take my work to whoever. So maybe I am cursed or God doesn't want me to get through but by now... I think I get it. I think I get it.

I write this... not knowing what is going to happen to me. I have given an epic struggle. Against all odds, I am still writing as you hear me today.. I can't do better than I have done. Please understand... sometimes it doesn't work out. I have no intention of offing myself but my desperation is partly my age and partly all the shit I have been put through and it is not your fault and it is not my fault. It is what it is. Once again... let me say... I am not suicidal. I love god too much to ever do something like that but... sometimes things happen that we have no control over. That doesn't mean anything either but it does feel a little ominous... regardless... or nevertheless... as you prefer. Shit happens. We never expect it to happen to us but sometimes... it does.