BANNED BY RUMOR MILL NEWS!
For a Mere $500.00 a Month...
You TOO
Can be
BANNED
BY
RUMOR MILL NEWS!Think of the advertizing you can do When you are authorized to put
On your Web Pages, Books, CDs, T-shirts, ect!!
DON'T HAVE THE TIME
OR
TALENT TO BECOME A
RUMOR MILL NEWS AGENT?Don't want to take the time to suck up to the snooty publisher or rub shouldars with the sanctimonious Lounge Lizards?
Then just skip the part about becoming a Rumor Mill News Agent and go directly to:
BANNED BY
RUMOR MILL NEWS
For a measely $500.00 a month you can send... with our blessings... E-mails to EVERYONE on the Internet... letting them know that YOU have been
BANNED BY
RUMOR MILL NEWS!We will even add you to our
"BANNED BY RUMOR MILL NEWS" page of banned Agents... of course, the page is BLANK. because they wereIf we get enough interest from people seeking to be
BANNED BY RUMOR MILL NEWS,
We may even publish a
BANNED BY
RUMOR MILL NEWS book... of course the pages will be blank, because all the work has been BANNED!What are you waiting for?
Don't take the time to suck up to the publisher, stop trying to ingratiate yourself with that picky executive editor. Stop sending those entreating emails to RMNews Agents begging them to recommend you for Agent Status-hood.Take the leap... SKIP the part about becoming an RMNews agent...
Go directly to
All "Paid-in-Advance" Clients will be authorized to use the "BANNED FROM RUMOR MILL NEWS" SEAL OF APPROVAL for one year, after which, it will "Self-Destruct".
Make sure you are NOT standing within 100 feet of said SEAL at moment of "Self-Destruct".Seal only available for viewing and use once payments have been secured and confirmed.
Disclaimer
$500.00 each month, Payable in advance.
One year "banned contract" required.
No refunds, no discounts!
No personal checks accepted.Money Orders only accepted with proper ID, full set of fingerprints, and DNA swap,
all notarized of course!For those paying in cash:
Banned status will only be granted once money has been verified as genuine; not counterfeit, and not earned through illicit activities. Please include complete financial history and letter of recommendation from the IRS! If submitting United States FRN's also include letter of recommendation from Alan Greenspun and/pr appropriate FED head.
Persons seeking to be BANNED BY RUMOR MILL NEWS must also agree, for the term of the contract, NOT to be BANNED by any other webpage, radio station, cable news network, magazine, or any type of business or organization posing as a news outlet, such as NBC, CBS, ABC, CIA, NRO, ONI, XYZ, etc.
Any violation of this will terminate our contract, all monies paid will be forfeited, and you will be enjoined from using the phrase BANNED BY RUMOR MILL NEWS!
Anyone falsely claiming to have been BANNED BY RUMOR MILL NEWS will be called to answer before the WORLD WIDE COURT of RUMOR MILL NEWS AGENTS AND READERS! If found guilty, said offender will be required to read every article on Rumor Mill News FOREVER!
This Ban is © 2004 by Rumor Mill News
Any unlawful Use is Punishable by the WWC of RMNA&RAffiliateships granted on a
First come first served basis!
Affiliate-paymenthood must be earned!Send Inquiries for Affiliatiateships to:
AFFILIATE HANDLER
C/O THE RUMOR MILL NEWS AGENCY